Next Chapter

Tomorrow kicks off the next chapter in my life.

Tuesday morning I unofficially start college, spending time with other students. Students like myself whose parents did not attend college, are financially in need, and in my case, in need of a support system to get through school. Most likely students who are much younger than myself.

On the agenda for Tuesday?  A ropes course. I wasn’t real sure what that had to do with going to college so I checked it out. It’s more about building trust, learning problem solving strategies, and teamwork then cracking the books. For me it’s the next step in the journey that has taken 53 years to begin. It’s about over coming fear and breaking free from the mold I find myself having been stuffed into. It’s about letting the inner me emerge from the cocoon.

I am doing my best to push negativity and doubt from my mind and my surroundings. Going back to school is a very big step for me.  It is something I have thought of doing for many years, but never had the guts to try.  Mostly due to that voice inside my head telling me I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have time, I certainly didn’t have the money, and the loudest and most obnoxious voice of all repeatedly telling me I was far to stupid.  People around me echoed these thoughts and I listened.   Not any more.

I am going to college. Classes start next week and I am scared as all get out. The possibility of falling flat on my face is real, but I refuse to dwell on that.  Instead I will set realistic goals and become the someone I was meant to be.

Oh one of my classes this semester is College Writing.  Even though that is not the field I am working towards, I am very excited to be taking writing.

There’s no place to go but up from here.

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Facebook And The Asshat

So what does a person do at midnight on Tuesday/Wednesday when she can’t sleep because her daughter is in labor?  She comes here to

1. Stay away from Facebook, where she might accidentally mention the above.
2. Stay away from Facebook, where she might write a response to some asshat  who compares delivering pizza to delivering children on a school bus.
3. Stay away from Facebook, where she might, because of lack of sleep, write a private message to the sister-in- law of said asshat and say something else she shouldn’t.

At the hope of releasing the bad energy the whole Facebook incident has caused I am going to get it off my chest here.  At that point I should be able to write a very heartfelt message to someone who is like another daughter to me.  So bear with me or not.  This is my self-imposed grasp at therapy. You can read along or ignore.  The choice is yours.

Twenty three years ago this month I was introduced to my best female friend by my best friend in the whole world, my husband.  I was never one to get along well with other women.  They can be very mean, judgmental, petty, and vindictive.  For some reason I hit it off with Fran immediately.  I believe somehow it was fate.  She shared a birthday with my deceased older brother.  Her free spirit nature was what his would have been, and what I could only wish for.  She also possessed an inner strength that she didn’t even know she had.  I considered her the strongest woman I had ever met.  Until the night we were driving to the Cape and I told her she needed to talk me through driving over the bridge. It was then she informed me she was also terrified of bridges and she was going to be of no help to me.  We laughed our asses off as we talked each other over the bridge.

Fast forward through many years.

NEWS FLASH!!   My daughter had the baby just 30 minutes after arriving at the hospital.  I would post a picture, but want them to be the first to share the little beauty.  

Suddenly I am so tired, but I want to attempt to finish.

So through the years we watched her oldest daughter pass a milestone birthday, 13. Doctors said she would not make it that far.  She is still alive and kicking at 30+ by the way.  We went through 3 years of me fighting to get a divorce, multiple kid catastrophes, house remodels, her and her husband being our matron of honor and best man, and my husband and her battle with Hep C.  It was extremely painful that thirteen years ago this month I held her hand and along with her husband gave her permission to give up the fight with a very aggressive form of lung cancer.  I promised her I would watch over her other two other daughters like they were my own.

So during these thirteen years since her passing there have been many differences of opinion, some not speaking, the remarriage of our best man, some very rebellious and dangerous decisions, and within the last two and a half; marriage and a baby for one of them.  Which brings me to the reason for being awake at 2:15 am.

One of them met and became pregnant by the aforementioned asshat, while squatting in an abandoned building with no heat, water, or electricity.  This they think is a major accomplishment to be very proud of.  To add to this she married him and promptly moved south to live with some lady that I’m not sure either of them knew.  At least not well.  Why you may be asking?  Well because the state they moved to offered plenty of aid.  No need to work, just sit back and collect off the suckers who do.  If you know how to work the system, the system will work for you.

When they moved back north her father, her cousins, and my husband helped renovate an apartment for them.  All while baby daddy did nothing.  Oh excuse me he delivered pizza.  That he did for work because most of the income came from tips so he could “fly under the radar and collect welfare at the same time”  Yes that is what he stood and told his father in law.   After doing all that hard work he had no strength left to help the guys fix up a place for him and his family to live.

Through the last couple of years each and every time he has appeared at a get together he isolates himself and his wife and child stay next to him.  The only conversation he has is about him.  I mean his life is very demanding. His job delivering pizza is so important he is the only one who has to leave a cook out to go to work.  No one else has a job of that magnitude.   Well had a job of that magnitude.  He lost that job and is now a stay at home dad because he has back problems and is a medical marijuana patient.

Mean while his wife got a job working fast food.  Not a great paying job as everyone knows, but it is a job.  She has done so well she was recently promoted to manager.  Very big accomplishment that I do not want to take away from.  I am very proud of her for that.

The other night her sister posted, as a joke, the picture of a machine taking a fast food order with a caption about the $15 and hour debate.   That was all it took to get her brother-in-law going about how fast food workers are little more than slaves and if they are replaced with machines it means they will be freed.   After a few posts from other family members and his response I could not keep my fingers off the keyboard.   It just escalated after that I guess.  I was so ticked off I shut the computer down and tried to go to sleep.  No luck really, but it’s what I get for speaking my mind.

Next day SIL reposted saying she had removed the original after receiving many texts from others.   Her sister also posted.

How disappointed she was with people she considered family.  How some have judged her husband unjustly.  He is a wonderful caring man who has tried to become a part of her family, but because they think differently from everyone else they do not belong.  They were much happier living in a foreclosed home with nothing.  They made their own heat and electricity and made do without everything else.   The resulting exchanging of words were not pretty.

Another member of her family went off on me because it was none of my business.  She was family, I was not, and I was judging someone I had no right to judge.  She has known this husband has a bad back, I need to stop judging because he is a medical marijuana patient, and Fran would welcome this son-in-law into her family.  Mind you now I have seen this husband in action, within the last couple of weeks.  This woman, who I finally recognized, lives across the country.  She does not know who I am but she apparently feels she has the right to pass judgement on me. Exact quote…. OMG!!! I HAVE TO SHUT THIS OFF! I’M GOING TO LOSE IT ON THIS BITCH!!!  Meaning me.  I am worried about my friend’s daughter and grand-daughter.  I am worried that the asshat will spout to the wrong people about his mmj and my best friend’s daughter and grand-daughter will pay the price.

His plan…move his family to Colorado, squat on some land, and grow for a living.

Though it upsets me to no end I will not say another word.  I hope somehow the rose-colored glasses get broken and this young mom will see the manipulative person she thinks the world revolves around.  If not, my door will always be open to her and her child.  The asshat will be met with a different door completely.  Just as a side note.  Fran would not welcome him.  She would allow him into her home so she would see her grand- daughter, but there is no way in hell she would welcome this person.

I feel much better.  It is now three thirty and I need to get some sleep before my other little grand-daughter gets up.  She does not know yet that her baby sister has arrived.

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The Endocannabinoid System: What Nurses Need to Know, An Introduction

ramblinann:

Since so much of my time has been spent reading and posting information, in our closed Facebook group, about medical cannabis I thought I would reblog a well written article. Meant for the education of nurses, I think it would also do the public in general a great service if they were to have access to the information.

Though I still can’t use this plant in any form, I continue to talk to others about its benefits. Little by little we are erasing decades of lies.

Hope you find this as interesting as I do.

Originally posted on NurseManifest:

Medical cannabis is now legal in 23 states and Washington DC, along with recreational cannabis also being legal in several states. Many patients and families are now relocating to Colorado and Washington State as “marijuana refugees” (http://www.nbcnews.com/business/consumer/marijuana-refugees-looking-new-homes-pot-legal-states-n22781), knowing they can freely and safely access cannabis as medicine in these recreational cannabis states. Nurses may still wonder, how is cannabis “medicine”?

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As nurses we have a lot to learn about cannabis, including how it works in the mind-body-spirit system, and how we can best advocate for and support patients who could or do benefit from this medicine. Last spring, I witnessed a brief presentation being given to nurses around medical cannabis use, and it was obvious from the questions asked by many of the nurses that the social stigma around “marijuana” was alive and well. Would these nurses be so reluctant to accept and support medical cannabis use if…

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