A few weeks ago I went to the doctor because I hurt all over. (except for the area of my left shoulder to my neck which was numb.) I never did see the doctor, I saw a nurse practitioner who told me it was all stress. B.S. I claimed, I was not under any stress at the time. I agreed to see an osteopathic doctor for therapy just to see if it helped. I can’t tell you yet because I couldn’t even get an appointment until the 11th, but I am hoping it does something.
The closer I get to return to work day the worse I feel. Seriously!
I have already started losing sleep and as much as I would love to pass the blame onto my husband who has been up during the middle of the night again, I can’t. Even when the house is dark and quiet my brain is going a mile a minute. I can’t sleep because I just don’t want to go back there.
Every summer I always feel a little bit of not wanting to return to work. After all it’s still warm and sunny at the end of August. There are still plenty of days left to enjoy the outdoors. Who wants to be in bed before dark and stuck in a hot bus during the day? Certainly not me, but the reality of a full paycheck vs unemployment usually makes up for the sadness. It’s not this time. In fact it’s not even giving up the beautiful warm days that is bothering me. It’s the job, the restrictions, the new rules and regulations, and the feeling of being under a microscope that is bothering me. I feel like people with ankle bracelets have fewer restrictions than I do. That’s a bit of a stretch, but you catch my drift.
Massachusetts has implemented the fingerprinting this year. All teachers, school staff, school bus drivers, and everyone who works with children need to provide their fingerprints to supposedly Homeland Security. If I believed Homeland Security knew what they were doing I would feel a little more comfortable. If they were going to an agency whose job was to protect children, and THEY knew what they were doing, I would feel more comfortable, but everyone seems to have a different answer as to who is getting our fingerprints and who will have access to them. We have no say in any of this. Once we hand our prints over we have no say in who actually has access to them in the future. That just does not sit right with me. My gut is telling me this is not a good thing. Yet there is no way around it if I go back to driving a school bus.
I am working towards something else for the future and what was going to be today’s post, Transitions, will explain where I’m headed. For now though it is all about volunteering and that won’t pay the bills. If only a paying opportunity, that allowed me to work toward my goal, would fall out of the sky I would be ever so grateful. It does seem that the job I loved so much in the past is making me sick in the present. It is sure to kill me in the future.