Thoughts on a Sunday morning.
School is done for another year. It was a long year. Two start ups and two endings due to my former employer going belly up. So many emotions, so many unknowns. I managed to make it through with a couple of bumps and bruises, but hopefully no permanent scars. I don’t know yet what the fall will bring, but I refuse to dwell on it. In fact for the next month or so I refuse to even think about it.
I don’t want to think about all the bills that are owed, but unfortunately I must. This is not a new thing of course. I have been in this position way too many times. Getting older does make it more difficult because I don’t have the energy to be a “work horse” any more, but it also gives me a totally new perspective. Bills are always going to be here; I won’t. I will pay what I can pay when I can pay and not lose sleep over it. At least I will try not to lose sleep over it. I will do my best to work with National Grid so they don’t shut me off, but I will not go without food so this multi gazzillion dollar corporation’s CEO can do whatever rich people do.
I will think about taking off a couple of pounds. I will not obsess about it. I’m 52 and I am starting to look like a 52 year old woman. The tiny waistline is gone, the flappy arms, turkey neck, and old looking legs have made their appearance, and low cut shirts only emphasize the fact that what little cleavage I have has gone south. I am not aiming for super model, movie star, or professional athlete. I am aiming for comfortable in my clothes and healthy for my age.
I will relax. I should put that in all caps and bold print. I WILL RELAX. A very daunting task for me. I need to learn the difference between being busy and being hyper out of control. Breathe, Breathe, Breathe….
I will finish my short stories. I need to finish them even if they stay in rough draft. At least wrap up the endings, because I feel like I have left the characters hanging.
I will write more about the school bus even though I refuse to think about work in the fall. I have so many mixed feelings about the job that I hope writing about it will sort things out in my mind.
I will think about the course I am taking. I have completed week number three out of eight. I love the class, I love the people, I want to learn everything that has to do with anything. There is just so much information out there, so much being done in this field that people just aren’t aware of. It blows my mind. It also totally pisses me off because so much of it has been covered up. I have a big learning curve but I represent the majority of the population. There should be no lack of things for me to write about as long as I carve myself out a block of time to write.
Read, read, read, read. I will have a book with me at all times. I will work on saving my pennies to buy an electronic reader too. So many books I want to read, that I could be reading, if I had something to read them on. The computer just doesn’t work for me.
I have managed to drink two cups of coffee and have a piece of toast while I wrote about my Sunday morning. It is almost 8:00 a.m. and I want to get out into the yard. The sun is up and calling for me. I must answer.