Almost six months since I have written anything. Here, there, or anywhere.
Self preservation of sorts kept me from opening up. Fear of not being able to stop the torrent of the anger, sorrow, and assorted gunk that would gush out kept me from saying anything. That fear is starting to subside and the need for release is taking over. Readers should proceed with caution.
I have lost a lot in the last couple of months and a big part of me no longer cares if I say something that jeopardizes my job and/or future. When it came to writing about the school bus I always proceeded with great caution, and where did that get me? I, along with everyone else, got fired. The students are off-limits because they are children, but everything else is up for grabs. What’s the worst that could happen? I get fired from another company? I get sued and they take away the house I am having a hard time paying for? I can’t go back to drive for people who strung their employees along just so they would have someone to drive their routes? We are forced to move to someplace where we will have to start over with no baggage from the past?
Yes there is a lot of anger, bitterness, sorrow, and feeling of betrayal inside. Those emotions only cover the workplace. What is pent-up regarding my mother is another deluge of something I can not even find the words to describe. That too needs to find its way out before it sucks the life right out of me.
I can’t and won’t make promises about how often I will be writing. There is no timetable when it comes from the gut.