Letting Go

Almost six months since I have written anything.  Here, there, or anywhere.

Self preservation of sorts kept me from opening up. Fear of not being able to stop the torrent of the anger, sorrow, and assorted gunk that would gush out kept me from saying anything.  That fear is starting to subside and the need for release is taking over. Readers should proceed with caution.

I have lost a lot in the last couple of months and a big part of me no longer cares if I say something that jeopardizes my job and/or future. When it came to writing about the school bus I always proceeded with great caution, and where did that get me? I, along with everyone else, got fired. The students are off-limits because they are children, but everything else is up for grabs.  What’s the worst that could happen?  I get fired from another company? I get sued and they take away the house I am having a hard time paying for?  I can’t go back to drive for people who strung their employees along just so they would have someone to drive their routes? We are forced to move to someplace where we will have to start over with no baggage from the past?

Yes there is a lot of anger, bitterness, sorrow, and feeling of betrayal inside.  Those emotions only cover the workplace.  What is pent-up regarding my mother is another deluge of something I can not even find the words to describe. That too needs to find its way out before it sucks the life right out of me.

I can’t and won’t make promises about how often I will be writing.  There is no timetable when it comes from the gut.

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About ramblinann

I live in Massachusetts and always have. I sell healthy holistic pet food as an independant rep with Life's Abundance. That is done mostly from home on my computer. When I'm not working for myself with the pet food, I am sitting behind the wheel of a big yellow school bus.
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3 Responses to Letting Go

  1. Ann, I had noticed you had not been on line for a long time. You were one of my original followers and I missed you. I was terminated from a job about eighteen months back and I felt terrible. I even went to chat with a clairvoyant because I could not understand what had happened. I still think on it from time to time and it still rankles, but most of the time I am engrossed in other things. I hope you get another job soon. Thinking of you, GG, the reluctant retiree 🙂

    • ramblinann says:

      It is a horrible feeling to be let go from a job, but in my work someone has to come in and take over. I signed on with one of those companies and we went back to work three weeks ago. I am happy with the new company, but I have a feeling this was a sign to reevaluate where my life is going. Not sure I want to continue along that path. May be time to get off the road and take a path for a while.

  2. Ahhhh well, that’s good news. At least now you are in the ‘driving’ seat (no pun intended). You have income and breathing space to plan what you might like from your future. It is much better when the timing of change is in your own hands, and not imposed upon you. Good luck with exploring the options.

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