Not Ready For This

As most people know, we brought my 84-year-old mother to live with us.  I had discussed it with her this past summer and made the move right before Thanksgiving. It was more for me then her, or so I thought.

At the time I thought she would settle in here within a couple of weeks and it would be ok. Not great because I have never been close to my mother,  Giving up trying to figure out why, but at least livable.  To say I have been second guessing my decision would be a understatment.  In the last couple of weeks there have been days when I have either been in tears or just completely zoned out.  I was not ready for this.

She is much worse than she was before Thanksgiving, or is she?  Was her memory and mind this bad before she moved in and I didn’t know? The companies that employed her HHA and homemaker never said there were new issues.  The employees are supposed to be trained to report changes.  I never heard anything from her residence. Did the supervisor just want to keep the rent so she would maintain her quota? I am the one who called her doctor with concerns.  She was the one who told me she didn’t see anything aside from normal slowing down due to age.  Was her doctor blind, too busy, or just plain incompetent?

Do normal elderly see people who aren’t there? Do they hear people talking about them? Look at a picture of themselves and spouse and think it’s their parents? Do they forget they have eaten? Not recognize their own shoes?  NO they do not.

After Sunday’s temper tantrum and her going to bed before her pills and pizza I decided I was not going to wait the couple of months until her next appointment.  This needed to be talked about and we needed an evaluation done.  Even if I was blowing things out of proportion we would have a starting point for the future.

Dementia I was ready for, Alzheimer’s I was not.  It was always in the back of my mind, of course, but became reality when the doctor said it.  Thankfully he didn’t rush us out of the office.  Thankfully he asked and answered questions. Thankfully he reassured me we were already doing what was recommended.  I wanted to hug the poor guy.

We now chart a course into new territory.  Living day to day while making preparations for an unknown future. I am a bit sick to my stomach thinking about the decisions I may have to make. I am not ready for this.


About ramblinann

I live in Massachusetts and always have. My family continues to grow with the addition of many grandchildren, who steal my heart every time I see them. Recently I was able to check off an item on my bucket list and earn my Associate Degree in Complementary Healthcare, but usually, I can be found sitting behind the wheel of a big yellow school bus. I love to write, though there seems to be some missing connection between my thoughts and the ability of my fingers to put those thoughts on paper, or the screen in this case.
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2 Responses to Not Ready For This

  1. Grndma Chris says:

    How tramatic, I feel for you, you must really be struggling. Hopefully the new plan with allow a positive change for both you and her. This might be out of your hands. Remain positive though and never blame yourself.

  2. I’m sorry you’re going through this really difficult situation. You’re doing the right thing for your mother and at least now you have the proper diagnosis and, hopefully, along with that some help.

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