Once again I have not written in a while. I could come up with any number of excuses, but there is only one that would be true. I was too lazy. When I wasn’t working I didn’t feel like doing anything that would make my brain work so I didn’t. Not a good excuse, but honest none the less.
I’m writing now because; tonight I sit at home when I should have been sitting around a fire, with my friends, for one relaxing night before school starts. I am a tad bit depressed, stressed, repressed, and probably possessed.
My clothes are across the room all packed. My sleeping bag along with a comfy chair and heavy sweatshirt were packed in the car last night. I woke up this morning all excited and ready to go. Until 6:00 when my phone rang. I knew even before I picked it up that it was going to be an end to my planned night away. My ESP was right on the money. If only I could pick winning lottery numbers that easily.
It was security at my mother’s house. She had been taken to the hospital by ambulance. Security said she was having trouble breathing. Trouble breathing maybe, but that was because she had such a bad bloody nose that they packed it and covered that with gauze. Try not having trouble breathing through that.
So after spending the day between the hospital and her apartment, cleaning up blood, and getting her settled in her room, I couldn’t go stay 1 1/2 hours away. I am not anticipating anything happening over night, but ya know she is 84 and laying in a hospital bed.
It is becoming increasingly clear that my life is really not my life. Well ok it is probably my life, because no one else wanted it. I go along making sure everyone is taken care of, everyone is happy, and I am just here. Don’t worry about me I can handle it, I can balance it all, I got it covered. Even if I don’t or can’t I won’t say anything because I wouldn’t want you to be inconvenienced. I know you deserve a life. Your time, your job, your vacation, are all very important. It’s ok, really it is, because it is what it is and it’s my life.