Jumping from thought to thought today. ADHD and caffeine at work.
Why have I spent a big part of the summer working? I always have regrets when I work during vacation or if I choose not to work during vacation. How is that possible? I should just decide what I want and do it, but I don’t. Then I regret not having more time off, or I regret not making an extra $40 after the government takes its share. Maybe next summer when the babies are old enough to come to Nonni’s and play. Then I will have the bestest reason to stay home. BABIES!
What are we going to do if this country doesn’t turn around soon? My husband is still not working and we are hanging on by a thread. Luckily our pellets for heat this winter are paid for and delivered. Now I need to be able to pay for the electricity to keep the stove running.
Oh and I need to figure out how to get health insurance. I could get it through work, but that’s $200 a week. Hello I can’t pay that being the only one working. That will leave me about $800 a month to pay mortgage, food, electric, car insurance….Somehow the math just doesn’t work. That’s our Romney care! Mandatory affordable health insurance. Affordable if you are rich like he is or sitting on your ass on welfare and don’t have to pay. I need to look into our state’s low-income health insurance. I’m pretty sure because I work I won’t qualify, but guess I should ask. Won’t know for sure until I do.
So this week I will have been married for 14 years. We celebrated 20 years together back in June. Not sure where that time went. Life really does go by so fast. What’s ironic is we started out with no money, worked at part-time jobs until full-time came along. Had good steady jobs, steady income and that was nice. Now we have come full circle and have not so steady work and no money. Big difference? Now it is just us, well and the dog and three cats too, but the kids are grown. It should be easier right? Wrong. Now we are also twenty years older and can’t do like we used to. It’s time to get creative.
I actually said no to someone the other day. I was very proud of myself, then felt guilty later. A friend wanted me to go for a ride. I ride all day almost every day. I was selfish and wanted to take a couple of hours during the day to get in the pool that I haven’t been able to use since I put it up. I said no to her. I didn’t want to sit in a car and go for a ride. I wanted to sit in my pool and soak up some Vitamin D. I felt really bad. I felt so self-centered that it was hard for me to enjoy the pool. Especially after she showed up at my house to try to convince me to go. I’m sorry. Was I wrong to want to take a few hours for myself? I get pulled in every direction by people. Some times it feels like everyone wants a piece of me. I just wanted to lay and look for shapes in the clouds like when I was a kid. So that is what I did.
Alright enough for this morning. I need to find health insurance and finish bus routes so I can go to the beach with my friends on Wednesday. Watch out Hampton, the girls are heading that way!