Monday morning here I sit, at the kitchen table. The school bus can be seen from both my window and my door. It’s just sitting there doing nothing. It’s not running, it’s not going anywhere. Why, it’s Monday morning? It should be somewhere, it feels the need to be somewhere, but alas this Monday it has no where to go.
Yes I am feeling a bit of anxiety that I am not at work this morning. There is school here, but I am only on standby in case one of the buses breaks down. I have no routes to drive, no kids to pick up, and like my bus, no where to go. It’s rather sad.
Is this how I will feel if I choose to pursue something else? Will I look at a school bus and yearn to be back behind the wheel? Will I be envious of the drivers who have school vacations off? Have all those Monday holidays off? Automatically have the week off between Christmas and New Years? Those are rhetorical questions because I already know the answers. Yes.
What am I going to do? How can I afford to leave a job like that? How can I afford to stay? I feel like I am standing at a giant fork in the road of my life and I don’t know where to go.