Fear

As I sit here on a very snowy Wednesday morning I think of all the things I can write about, all the things I want to write about, and all the things I haven’t written about.  They are all one in the same.  Why no writing?  Fear.  Plain and simple fear.

Over the last couple of weeks there have been so many things going on.  Everything from frustration at work to abusive relationships, that my fingers should be cramped from all the typing.  What stops me is advice my mother gave me.  Don’t ever put anything in writing.  People can find it and read it.  They might even use it against you.

Those might not be the exact words but it is the meaning.  The reason I have such a hard time putting words to paper. Fear that someone will read them.    What a crazy thought for someone who has always loved to write.   I am simply afraid someone will think I am a bit crazy or weird because of something I wrote.    Fear has been incapacitating, but not any longer.

To my list of goals for 2011 I would like to add, chip through the wall of fear that keeps me from writing.  Stop finding excuses like lack of time to cover for that fear and just put the words down.   Make friends with more writers, artistic types, natural people, and just let me be me.  I want to start living being who I am and stop worrying about who people think I should be.

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About ramblinann

I live in Massachusetts and always have. I sell healthy holistic pet food as an independant rep with Life's Abundance. That is done mostly from home on my computer. When I'm not working for myself with the pet food, I am sitting behind the wheel of a big yellow school bus.
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2 Responses to Fear

  1. Madison Woods says:

    Oh wow. I’m glad I stopped in. I have that fear. I’m trying to write circles around the things I’d really like to be saying right now… and it’s not doing a very good job of relieving the need to write it down. As of yet, I haven’t broken down to write it anywhere, but I think with all the current going ons in my life, I’ll have to bust it loose in my journal very soon, lol.

    My divorce is down to the last days before court, and now the soon to be ex is finally ready to negotiate a property settlement. Waiting until now is very stressful and I’m sure it was a strategic move on his part.

    It’s dead of winter and my water lines are frozen and there’s a break at one that I’ll have to repair.

    Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh! Life is just hard right now and I don’t feel at liberty to write much of my distress down. That makes it even harder.

    I hope you get over your fear to crack at least a little open and let a few things out. Try to encrypt them in language only you will understand, if necessary. But get it down. Writing *nicely* around the things I’d like to say isn’t doing a whole lot, but it is relieving enough of the pressure to keep me from exploding.

    • ramblinann says:

      “Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh! Life is just hard right now and I don’t feel at liberty to write much of my distress down. That makes it even harder.”
      That is also a reason I sometimes have trouble. It seems my life is so full of doom and gloom that I don’t want people to think that is all there is to my life. My life is actually very good compared to others right now.

      I read your post about the water problems. Winter is harsh enough without having to deal with plumbing on top of it. Things will get better, spring is just around the corner. At least that is what I am telling myself. Keep you chin up; or you’ll end up walking into something.

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