So Maybe It Is STRESS!

A few weeks ago I went to the doctor because I hurt all over.  (except for the area of my left shoulder to my neck which was numb.)  I never did see the doctor, I saw a nurse practitioner who told me it was all stress.  B.S. I claimed, I was not under any stress at the time.  I agreed to see an osteopathic doctor for therapy just to see if it helped.  I can’t tell you yet because I couldn’t even get an appointment until the 11th, but I am hoping it does something.

The closer I get to return to work day the worse I feel.  Seriously!

I have already started losing sleep and as much as I would love to pass the blame onto my husband who has been up during the middle of the night again, I can’t.  Even when the house is dark and quiet my brain is going a mile a minute.  I can’t sleep because I just don’t want to go back there.

Every summer I always feel a little bit of not wanting to return to work. After all it’s still warm and sunny at the end of August. There are still plenty of days left to enjoy the outdoors.  Who wants to be in bed before dark and stuck in a hot bus during the day? Certainly not me, but the reality of a full paycheck vs unemployment usually makes up for the sadness.  It’s not this time.  In fact it’s not even giving up the beautiful warm days that is bothering me.  It’s the job, the restrictions, the new rules and regulations, and the feeling of being under a microscope that is bothering me.  I feel like people with ankle bracelets have fewer restrictions than I do.  That’s a bit of a stretch, but you catch my drift.

Massachusetts has implemented the fingerprinting this year.  All teachers, school staff, school bus drivers, and everyone who works with children need to provide their fingerprints to supposedly Homeland Security.  If I believed Homeland Security knew what they were doing I would feel a little more comfortable.  If they were going to an agency whose job was to protect children, and THEY knew what they were doing, I would feel more comfortable, but everyone seems to have a different answer as to who is getting our fingerprints and who will have access to them.  We have no say in any of this.  Once we hand our prints over we have no say in who actually has access to them in the future. That just does not sit right with me.  My gut is telling me this is not a good thing.  Yet there is no way around it if I go back to driving a school bus.

I am working towards something else for the future and what was going to be today’s post, Transitions, will explain where I’m headed.  For now though it is all about volunteering and that won’t pay the bills.  If only a paying opportunity, that allowed me to work toward my goal, would fall out of the sky I would be ever so grateful.  It does seem that the job I loved so much in the past is making me sick in the present. It is sure to kill me in the future.

 

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Nonni

Nonni; that is my favorite word.

“Nonni what happen?
“Ut oh Nonni”
“Nonni p it buher”
“Nonni peese”
“Nonni I chew”

I was lucky enough to baby sit Nolan on Tuesday and Taylah today. Just love em love em love em. Of course I think they are the two cutest little ones running around and why wouldn’t I? they are and they are my grand babies.

I never thought I could love any kids as much as my own, but when it comes to grand kids there is no doubt. I do. I could love on them, and hug them, and give kisses all day.

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My other grand kids yes as of today I have more than one other.   Cameron is 8.  He is past the cuddle me age most of the time.  I do ALWAYS get a big hug and kiss from the big boy of the bunch.  Lilly was just born today.  Shhhh they haven’t officially made the Facebook announcement but since only two people who read this know me on Facebook it is ok. They won’t spill the beans. Lilly came a couple of weeks early.  Even though she is a peanut at only 4 lbs 11 oz I heard she is able to stay in the room with mom and dad instead of being sent to NICU which is so nice.  I did get to see a picture and she is a cutie of course.

Now just waiting on the arrival of another little boy on or around August 8.  Nolan is soon to be a big brother.  He runs around the house pointing to everything saying “baby, baby” but not sure how he is going to react to a little one stealing some of his limelight, but I’ll just have to love on him even more.

These kind of weeks make my life so rich.

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Stress Again?

I ache. I ache from head to toe. Well ok my toes don’t hurt, right now, but my feet do. It’s not a flu ache but a down in my bones, my muscles, and my joints, ache.

My pelvis, my hips, my knees and it’s not just my lower body.  My left shoulder across my upper back into my neck and up into my head.  It is all over and it’s really beginning to bug me.

Called my doctor yesterday and asked for an appointment to see her.  She already knows my lower back aches from driving so she would know all this new stuff is really new.  What I got was a nurse practitioner.

He was very nice and he did a thorough kind of exam.  Pushing, pulling, range of motion; walking, sitting, and a spinal exam.  He found nothing physically wrong other than I hurt.  REALLY?

His course of treatment started with physical therapy.  When I told him I’d already gone that route he crossed it off the list and approached things from a different angle.

“Who lives at home?
“My husband”
“How are things going?”
“Fine, good, the relationship is good everything is ok”
“Do you have a lot of stress?”
Laughing out loud
“Not now.  I am on vacation and I am very relaxed.”
“Some people don’t let things out.  When they keep things in it shows in other ways.  I think these pains might be from you not letting things out. Sometimes it really helps to talk to someone about these feelings.”
“So you want me to see Lauren?”
“You know Lauren?”
“Yep I just got done seeing her”
“For what?”
More laughing out loud
“Stress.  If you think I’m stressed now you should have seen me a couple of months ago”

I went on to tell him about my mom, my husband not working for two years, my whole job situation, and how much more unstressed I am right now.  He crossed talking to Lauren off the list also.

His last course of treatment is called OMT Osteopathic Manipulative Therapy. It’s right up my alley.  Holistic!  It will be done right at the health center so no long drive. Only downfall is they are booked solid until August 11.  More people are turning to holistic.

I don’t think this is all triggered from some unseen stress in my life. I have not felt this good mentally for some time.  Wish my body and my mind could get coordinated so I would feel great all over. I feel like a bit of a hypochondriac complaining, but I hurt and it has me a bit worried. I had a tick bite a while back and my whole calf swelled. I was tested for Lyme and it came back negative, but I have it stuck in the back of my head.  I’m reading so many horror stories about people being misdiagnosed.  For now I will keep track of what hurts every day and any possible triggers for the pain. If it gets worse before the 11th I will be calling again.  Or I will find one of the doctors in the area that specialize in Lyme Disease.  All it would take is a little donation of blood to reassure me.

With that said I will be done for the night. Baby sitting my Nolan tomorrow and I need to rest up.  Chasing a two-year old is not as easy as it used to be.

 

 

 

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