Nonni

Nonni; that is my favorite word.

“Nonni what happen?
“Ut oh Nonni”
“Nonni p it buher”
“Nonni peese”
“Nonni I chew”

I was lucky enough to baby sit Nolan on Tuesday and Taylah today. Just love em love em love em. Of course I think they are the two cutest little ones running around and why wouldn’t I? they are and they are my grand babies.

I never thought I could love any kids as much as my own, but when it comes to grand kids there is no doubt. I do. I could love on them, and hug them, and give kisses all day.

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My other grand kids yes as of today I have more than one other.   Cameron is 8.  He is past the cuddle me age most of the time.  I do ALWAYS get a big hug and kiss from the big boy of the bunch.  Lilly was just born today.  Shhhh they haven’t officially made the Facebook announcement but since only two people who read this know me on Facebook it is ok. They won’t spill the beans. Lilly came a couple of weeks early.  Even though she is a peanut at only 4 lbs 11 oz I heard she is able to stay in the room with mom and dad instead of being sent to NICU which is so nice.  I did get to see a picture and she is a cutie of course.

Now just waiting on the arrival of another little boy on or around August 8.  Nolan is soon to be a big brother.  He runs around the house pointing to everything saying “baby, baby” but not sure how he is going to react to a little one stealing some of his limelight, but I’ll just have to love on him even more.

These kind of weeks make my life so rich.

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Stress Again?

I ache. I ache from head to toe. Well ok my toes don’t hurt, right now, but my feet do. It’s not a flu ache but a down in my bones, my muscles, and my joints, ache.

My pelvis, my hips, my knees and it’s not just my lower body.  My left shoulder across my upper back into my neck and up into my head.  It is all over and it’s really beginning to bug me.

Called my doctor yesterday and asked for an appointment to see her.  She already knows my lower back aches from driving so she would know all this new stuff is really new.  What I got was a nurse practitioner.

He was very nice and he did a thorough kind of exam.  Pushing, pulling, range of motion; walking, sitting, and a spinal exam.  He found nothing physically wrong other than I hurt.  REALLY?

His course of treatment started with physical therapy.  When I told him I’d already gone that route he crossed it off the list and approached things from a different angle.

“Who lives at home?
“My husband”
“How are things going?”
“Fine, good, the relationship is good everything is ok”
“Do you have a lot of stress?”
Laughing out loud
“Not now.  I am on vacation and I am very relaxed.”
“Some people don’t let things out.  When they keep things in it shows in other ways.  I think these pains might be from you not letting things out. Sometimes it really helps to talk to someone about these feelings.”
“So you want me to see Lauren?”
“You know Lauren?”
“Yep I just got done seeing her”
“For what?”
More laughing out loud
“Stress.  If you think I’m stressed now you should have seen me a couple of months ago”

I went on to tell him about my mom, my husband not working for two years, my whole job situation, and how much more unstressed I am right now.  He crossed talking to Lauren off the list also.

His last course of treatment is called OMT Osteopathic Manipulative Therapy. It’s right up my alley.  Holistic!  It will be done right at the health center so no long drive. Only downfall is they are booked solid until August 11.  More people are turning to holistic.

I don’t think this is all triggered from some unseen stress in my life. I have not felt this good mentally for some time.  Wish my body and my mind could get coordinated so I would feel great all over. I feel like a bit of a hypochondriac complaining, but I hurt and it has me a bit worried. I had a tick bite a while back and my whole calf swelled. I was tested for Lyme and it came back negative, but I have it stuck in the back of my head.  I’m reading so many horror stories about people being misdiagnosed.  For now I will keep track of what hurts every day and any possible triggers for the pain. If it gets worse before the 11th I will be calling again.  Or I will find one of the doctors in the area that specialize in Lyme Disease.  All it would take is a little donation of blood to reassure me.

With that said I will be done for the night. Baby sitting my Nolan tomorrow and I need to rest up.  Chasing a two-year old is not as easy as it used to be.

 

 

 

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A Means To An End

Since school got out on June 20th I have done some serious soul-searching about what to do come fall.  Yes I realize it has only been 1 1/2 weeks but I have come to the realization I am almost ready to cut the cord.  ALMOST being the key word in that statement.

Two weekends ago I sat and talked to a friend about letting go.  She and I have been going through some of the same life changes. She is really good at asking the right questions.

Why am I holding on to the school bus?
What would I really like to do?
What am I most afraid of?
Where would I like the course I am taking to lead me?  This question could be interpreted in different ways, but both have the same meaning.

I have asked myself these questions of course, but it’s easy to avoid the answers in your own head.  Not so easy when they are asked out loud by someone else.  My truthful answers are as follows…

Why am I holding on to the school bus? Familiarity, stability, (even though last year was far from stable), knowledge, complacency, love of driving, freedom from being stuck inside a building for the better part of a day, twelve weeks off a year, and the wonderful kooky people I have come to call friends.

What would I really like to do? I am discovering I really would like to do something of some importance. Not personal recognition, but something that will make a difference in somebody’s life. I want to be a part of something good. I want to meet new people, make a connection with them, help them.  Learn, teach, explore new things and places. As silly as this may sound, I want to find out who I really am and what I am capable of.  Now I need to find a way to make a living being that person.

What am I most afraid of? Failure, success, being laughed at, not being good enough…Losing everything I have worked so hard to keep.  There is a part of me that is a free spirit and would love to just pack up and move around like a gypsy, but let’s face it, I’m 52 years old. The free-spirited lifestyle would be much easier on this body if I could sleep in a motor home instead of a tent.  I am afraid of losing the roof over my head.

Where would I like the course I am taking to lead me? She meant the classes I am taking, but it also could be interpreted as the course of my life.  I want it to lead me down a new career path with an income I can survive on.  One that I will be able to physically handle in another ten years.  One that I will enjoy doing. One that leads me to new opportunities. One where the inner me can come out and people around me won’t think I should be locked up.

I have talked with my husband and best friend about all this. He knows me better than anyone. Going back to driving the school bus in the fall will happen as a necessity. It will be looked at as a means to an end. Only becoming a sticky situation if I stand up and publicly start advocating for this cause.  Which I see myself doing.

Driving the school bus is no longer my career choice.  Working with patients, caregivers, advocates, and teachers in the medical marijuana field is.  The things I have learned, both good and bad, in the last couple of months has completely blown me away. I need to learn more and I need to teach people like me.

Putting this in writing is a very scary thing. My kids know I am going to school for this, my friends know, and some co-workers but this makes it public. It feels good.

 

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